Trying to find my place in this whole big world. I feel I’ve been trying to do this my entire life. Where is my rightful place? From the beginning, I was the oldest of three siblings. My younger sister came two and a half months later; then my brother years later. I don’t remember a time when it was just me. Then I married young, as a teenager, not long after graduating from high school. I went from under my dad’s wing to under my husband’s wing.
Children came quickly. I learned I was again pregnant when our first delightful baby boy was only 3 months old. Shocker of shockers! But then our smiley, lovable daughter came to us 9 months later.
Caring for two little ones took up the majority of my time. When they became school age, I researched for a long time trying to discern God’s will. We chose a combination of parochial and public schooling. When homeschooling began to become more well known, I chose to be a home school teacher to first our ADHD child, and then later to our daughter.
Now both children are out of the house—empty nesters. At first, I was thrilled to think of no more chauffeuring back and forth, fees for various events, and out of my hands now. But that’s not true. Once a mother; always a mother! Then came precious grandchildren. So now, I add long-distance Nana under my titles. Which I love being a Nana, but hate the long-distance part of the equation. I like the saying: Grandparenting is a chance to make right the mistakes you made with your own kids.
Daughter, sister, wife, mom, homeschool teacher, coach, referee, driver, mother of the groom, writer, Nana. Now back to just wife, writer. Where is my place now? I feel displaced and exhausted. With all the roles, I’ve been handed in the past, where do I fit in now? My energy level and zeal has waned.
Life seems to happen to me and there’s precious little time for doing what I’d like to do—what I feel I was called to do years ago. To write another book sounds like a monumental task. Yet, I feel the story is in me. The story needs to be told for further generations, don’t you think?
God planted the story within me along this journey called life. To not tell the story would be wrong. Tell my children and grandchildren what God has been teaching me along the way. Hoping they will excel and not make the same mistakes I did growing up. Maybe this is my place now.
As I think of other family relations, Timothy was a much better person and follower of the Lord because of his grandmother and mother. Paul (an apostle in the Bible) tells us in the first chapter of 2nd Timothy:
“I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well.”
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This post is part of the weekly Five Minute Friday link-up. Join me and others as we reflect on, and write about one word each week for only 5 minutes.
