Regret. Anger, Sorrow.
Bedfellows I do not choose
Yet they come upon me like
Constant Companions
Hiding for a season, then
Popping their ugly heads up again
When I least expect their arrival
Will I choose Life, Calm, Joy?
As I continue my journey and
Theirs comes to an end
Or, will I ignore, pretend
I am okay—hoping
Regret. Anger, Sorrow
Ride away on the next wave?
Not to surface for another season
Baldwin sisters on their trek home. Karen and I nicknamed ourselves the Baldwin sisters–remember The Waltons television show?
Our trip proved a mix of enlightenment, frustration, joy, anger, sadness, sympathy, and loss. We found our dad—at least a shell of who he used to be. His body and mind fails more often than not.
My mind longs to forget the now and return to the then. I choose to remember his quick wit, willingness to help others, when his body moved freely and without constant pain, his insatiable quest for best bargains and love for food.
Dad, we love you and hope and pray only the best for you.
*****
Even though circumstances do not seem to be going right, fair—always remember God still steers the boat. Relationships fail, money’s tight, child spills his milk, toilet overflows, ideal college seems elusive, death separates, divorce/abuse divides—though your dream lingers, “wait for it, it will certainly come and will not delay.”
Why does publishing a book take so long, be painful, cost more in time and money than planned? This is not entirely the path I’d envisioned. There is a reason for all of this. You knew from Day #1. Maybe someday I will discover and be enlightened, but for now my duty is to abide. I see a smidgeon of light. Just like the snow’s melted around my daffodils. Brain tumor surgery allowed, growth, personal closeness gained. Book to be born! “Wait for it, though it tarries, wait for it.” (Habakkuk 2:3)
I hear Your message! Continue to do the work of proofing, editing, and all those required details. Whatever you may be waiting or longing for, know the end result will be worth it all. Trust and obey for there is no other way. Wait and do the appointed work … in His abiding, limitless strength.
*****
“Though is tarries, wait for it.” (Habakkuk 2:3)
A few days ago, I received my first galley proofs of my book and cover. Lauren, Publishing Services Associate, exclaimed “Congratulations!” True, I am very excited to be moved to the next phase. Yet, I do not want to miss any of the good parts in between. There is still much work to be done. Rushing not allowed here if I am to take Habakkuk 2:3 to heart. 
I do and do and do. Sometimes before I give proper credit to timing and waiting. When I go forth in my own strength and just do on my own, I miss much. I miss God’s guidance, wisdom, and blessings in the end. I think I am doing the right thing by instigating hurried results, but am I really? God seems to be more visionary than practical like us mere mortal humans. Impatient. I am extremely impatient; thereby potentially missing out on His best. Missing “the fulfillment of the vision;” I wonder what that vision would have looked like had I taken the time and exercised patience during the wait mode? God must be disappointed when I do not implement enough faith to wait for Him to work out His best plan.
“We cannot bring the vision to fulfillment through our own efforts, but must live under its inspiration until it fulfills itself. We try to be so practical that we forget the vision. At the very beginning we saw the vision but did not wait for it.
We rushed off to do our practical work, and once the vision was fulfilled we could no longer even see it. Waiting for a vision that “tarries” is the true test of our faithfulness to God. It is at the risk of our own soul’s welfare that we get caught up in practical busy-work, only to miss the fulfillment of the vision,” thoughts from Oswald Chambers.
This brain tumor survivor is announcing that my book is now in the Design/Production phase. Looking forward to a Spring Release. I’ll be sharing glimpses of my personal journal entries interwoven in this frightening health crisis. You will learn of the need to regain control over three areas of life: mind, body, and soul. Then, and only then, can we experience joy and peace while learning to be still. 
I will keep you posted regarding progress. Thanking God and all my angel-helpers along the way who contribute to make this dream a reality. Totally excited to have you follow and come along with me in the birth of a new “baby!”
Hope in the Lord from this time forth and forevermore, Psalm 131:3.
Hope. To wish for a particular event that one considers possible. To have confidence; trust. To desire. The longing for something accompanied by the belief in the possibility of its occurrence. To look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence. To believe, or trust.
Everywhere you turn, there seems to be bad news. Dirty politics, mass shootings, much-too-early deaths. It’s so easy to become discouraged and wonder if the world will ever right itself. Is there any justice or good left in this world?
One thing we can be assured of: God’s love when we hope in Him. When my trust is placed in His almighty hands, we can make it through today. Through tomorrow and the next day. One day at a time. You see, in Psalm 131, we read that God plans to be around protecting us for the long haul. He doesn’t plan to ditch us at the first sign of doubt or fear. No, He will be available. He is real.
Calm and quiet yourself. Breathe deeply. Ask for His guidance and strength. He waits to draw close to you, my friend.
What do you hope in? Whom do you hope in?
*****
“Forever is composed of nows,” Emily Dickinson.
My forever (and yours too) is composed of the nows. Exactly what I’m writing about in my new devotional/meditation book. Living in the present. Enjoying the moment right here and now. Even if it hard to accomplish.
When I first began writing about living in the now was during a personal health crisis. A neurologist discovered I had an operable tumor growing on the left temporal side of my brain. The tumor needed to be removed surgically and the sooner the better. All other life was pretty much put on hold. Daily details focused on an upcoming hospital stay and subsequent rehabilitation.
I’m writing this post seven years later. God chose to spare me; for which I’ll be eternally grateful. Life is pretty much back to normal. Except I hope and pray lessons learned never vanish.
Through my health scare times, I realized we are not guaranteed tomorrow (not even tonight). Making the best of my situation right now promotes longer life and joy today. Isn’t that what each of us strive for? Being content and happy in our current situation. We are past Thanksgiving and entering the Christmas season. Many around you will exude happiness; some do not feel like rejoicing for whatever reason. Even those who place a smile upon their face probably face troubles and may be masking their inner feelings. Be aware that many fight tough battles. This time of year amplifies unrest.
Let’s strive together and rehearse our thankful lists. What’s on your thankful list?
“Let the peace of Christ [the inner calm of one who walks daily with Him] be the controlling factor in your hearts [deciding and settling questions that arise]. To this peace indeed you were called as members in one body [of believers]. And be thankful [to God always].” (Colossians 3:15/AMP)
*****
Yesterday, I had the privilege to speak to a wonderful high school group of Creative Writers from Hudsonville Public High School. We talked about publishing, critiquing, and blogging. I suspect there will be a few budding authors spring forth from that class. Keep up the great work, Mrs. Sherrington and class!
Go Eagles!!
“Use what talents you possess; the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best,” Henry Vandyke.
She pauses with her white dog
I walk past
Attempting to clear cobwebs
Re-fresh and
Re-generate my brain
I pause; then stop
Together we chat
Discovering we shared the same workplace
Years ago
Past memories surface
Re-live old times
Good & the not-so-good
Now we’re neighbors
Living in a
Small, small world
Re-charged and
Ready to pursue writing my story again
“Be on the lookout for what I am doing in your life. Worship Me by living close to Me, thanking Me in all circumstances,”—Jesus Calling.
*extra credit: Read 1 Thessalonians 5:18.
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